HOW DIFFERENCES WITH YOUR SPOUSE CAN MAKE YOUR MARRIAGE STRONGER

I hear it all the time. “My husband [or wife] doesn’t understand me. We are so different. We don’t really have anything in common.”

When I first met my wife, I was attracted to her precisely because she was different. Sadly, after a few years, these same differences started to annoy me. In fact, I began to think that my approach to live was right and hers wrong.

I then did what any loving husband would do. I tried to fix her—to make her more like me. And she did the same. Not surprisingly, this led to several years of conflict.

What we forgot was that there’s a reason opposites attract–because it’s good for us.

Think about it. If you married someone just like you, then

• You wouldn’t have to grow.
• You wouldn’t have to get out of your comfort zone.
• You wouldn’t have to enter into someone else’s world.

Instead, differences are precisely what you need to become the person God created you to be.

Differences can add richness, depth, and texture to your marriage. If you embrace them.

Your differences can be your biggest asset as a couple—if you learn how to use them. Here are three steps for doing so.

1. Identify your differences. You know you are different than your spouse, but that is not enough. I am talking about more specificity. In what ways are you different?

   For example, my wife and I are the exact opposite on each of the Myers-Briggs types. I am an INFJ. She is an ESTP. This means:

   • We approach the world differently. I prefer introversion; she prefers extraversion (note: this is the way the word is spelled in the Myers-Briggs literature).
   • We gather information differently. I prefer intuition; she prefers sensing.
   • We make decisions differently. I prefer feeling; she prefers thinking.
   • We approach structure differently. I prefer judging; she prefers perceiving.

   We have completely different strengths. Mine are:

   • Achiever
   • Intellection
   • Strategic
   • Futuristic
   • Relator

   My wifel’s are:

   • Positivity
   • Woo
   • Developer
   • Connectedness
   • Adaptability

   From these tests—and 17 years of observing her—I know the specific ways that we are different.

2. Acknowledge your differences. It’s not enough to identify your differences and then file away what you’ve observed. No, you must acknowledge these—and celebrate them—in real time.

   Let me give you a practical example. As an extravert (again, the Myers-Briggs spelling), Gail draws her energy from being with people. As an introvert, people wear me out. I prefer being alone.

   But because we love one another, we make sure that help the other person get what they need. Tonight we are going to a dinner party. I would prefer to stay home and read, but I know Gail needs to connect with others to remain emotionally healthy. (I need it too; I just don’t always recognize the need.)

   On the other hand, she knows I can’t be with people every night or I will burnout. So, because she loves me, she sometimes chooses to stay home so I can re-charge. (She also needs this; she just doesn’t always recognize it.)

3. Leverage your differences. Differences are not something to be resented. They are something to celebrate and use.

   Think of it this way: If Gail and I were exactly the same on the Myers-Briggs results, we would only have four tools at our disposal. But since we are completely opposite, we have eight. It’s as if we have more colors on our palette with which to paint the canvas of our lives!

   The real test of this is in making decisions. As a “J,” I like an orderly, structured world. I want to make decisions quickly and get them behind me.

   Gail is just the opposite. She doesn’t have the same need for structure. She wants to explore all the options. She prefers to have her decisions in front of her.

   Let to myself, I can be impulsive, making decisions I later regret. Let to herself, Gail can procrastinate, missing opportunities she later regrets. Together, we ensure that we explore all our options but then make a decision.

We usually think of this in terms of friendship, but it applies equally to marriage.

You weren’t attracted to your spouse by accident. What if God led you to him or her because He knew precisely what you needed to realize your full potential.

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10 PRACTICAL WAYS TO BOOST YOUR ENERGY LEVEL

I am a high-energy person. But I haven’t always been that way. There have been times in my life when I was utterly exhausted. Times when getting through the day was a big chore. Times when I had nothing left to give by the end of the day. Times when I just wanted to collapse into bed and pull the covers over my head.

But in recent years, I am been very deliberate about managing my energy level. I did a lot of reading on this and took the time to educate myself. I experimented. I tried some new things. I broke some old habits. Now, my energy level remains pretty constant through the day.

Here’s how I keep my energy level high:

1. Connect with God.This is where I start each day. You were not created to function without a connection to God. He is the ultimate energy source. Trying to navigate life without Him is like trying to ride a motorcycle without starting the engine. You can do it, but it only works downhill. Unfortunately, a lot of life is uphill.The way I connect is by reading several passages from the Bible and then praying. I am also mindful of His presence throughout the day.
2. Keep a positive attitude.This is crucial. “For as a man thinks in his heart, so is he” (Proverbs 23:7). Negative thoughts deplete your energy. Positive thoughts replenish your energize.Attitude is not something that just happens; you choose it. Even in difficult circumstances, you can choose to have a good attitude. And, it whether good or bad, it will have a direct impact on your energy.
3. Watch your mouth. Obviously, your thoughts influence your words and actions. But sometimes, it feels like my mouth has a mind of its own. It just runs out of habit.Someone says, “Hey, how ya doin’?” Without thinking, we say, “Well, I’m surviving.” Or we might say, “Hangin’ in there.”

   Guess what? That becomes our exact experience. We say it, and it shapes the way we perceive reality. That’s why, by faith, I always say, “I’m doing great.” (If you don’t believe this, then you need to practice this gratitude exercise!)

4. Feed your brain.You’ve heard the old saying, “Garbage in, garbage out.” This applies to the world of computers, but it also applies to your brain. I stimulate my brain by constantly feeding it new and stimulating content.Some people complain that they don’t have time to read. Hogwash. You have 24 hours in your day—just like I do. What you really mean is that it’s not a priority.

   I have a friend who recently gave me this excuse. When I probed, I discovered he was spending two hours each evening watching TV. Nothing wrong with that, but don’t tell me you don’t have time to read. You can’t afford not to read, not if you want to grow and be energized.

5. Exercise daily. I think this is one of the most important things you can do to “turn the tide” and start feeling more energetic. I know it’s counter-intuitive. You think, I don’t have enough energy to exercise or I’m tired now. If I exercise, I will be even more tired.Wrong. Regular exercise will boost your energy more than almost anything else you can do. It stimulates your heart and oxygenates your blood. This directly increases your energy level. Besides, if you exercise, you will lose weight. Those excess pounds also consume energy!
6. Take a good multi-vitamin.Personally, I don’t think you need a handful of vitamins and supplements every day. But a good multi-vitamin is essential. If you eat a lot of processed food, this is especially important. Most of us just don’t get the nutrition we need from the food we eat.I take Vitamin Code Men’s Multivitamin. It covers the basics. It is a multi-vitamin and multi-mineral. I take two capsules twice a day.
7. Drink a gallon of water a day.This is another great energy replenisher. You will especially notice the difference if you switch from soda drinks to water. It may take you a few days to notice the difference, but getting sugar out of your system and water into your system will definitely even-out your energy.I find that this also has a way of reducing my appetite. Sometime we think we’re hungry when we are really just thirsty. Drink 8 ounces of water an hour before a meal and notice how it curbs your hunger. More water will also increase your metabolism and keep flushing your body’s waste.
8. Get plenty of rest.Most people I know don’t get enough rest. Everyone is different, but most adults need seven to eight hours a night. Most people I know are trying to get by on five or six hours.When you don’t get enough rest, all kinds of bad things happen. You get grumpy. You reduce your ability to handle stress. And, according to some research, you may gain weight.

   Perhaps most significantly, you negatively impact your body’s auto-immune system. When you get run-down, you increase the likelihood of getting sick—and that’s definitely a drain on your energy.

9. Eat high-energy foods. The main thing to avoid here is the bad or fast-burning carbohydrates. These are the ones that your body quickly turns to sugar. You get an initial boost from them as the sugar hits your blood, but you then hit a “trough” that is lower that your energy was before you ate them.Carbs in this category include white potatoes, white rice, and white flour (or white bread). Worst of all, the energy that isn’t burned gets stored as fat.

   Instead, eat slow-burning carbs like sweet potatoes, brown rice, wheat bread, etc. I also to eat more frequent, smaller meals. (I eat five or six small meals a day.) This keeps your metabolism up and your energy on an even keel.

10. Avoid energy-depleting people.Let’s be honest. Some relationships are toxic. You know the type. Some people are so negative they are a giant energy drain. Others are so positive, you get energized just being around them.Obviously, you want to surround yourself with enough positive people so you can keep your energy level up. And, you want to have this same kind of effect on others. Sometimes, you just have to tell people the truth. Not only for your sake, but for theirs.

Your energy level doesn’t have to remain low. You have more control than you think. But you have to be deliberate in managing it.

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