HOW YOUR LIFE IS LIKE A TAPESTRY

Afew years ago, I had breakfast with an old college roommate. We hadn’t seen each other for years. To my surprise—and delight—he looked almost exactly as he did the last time I saw him. The only difference was that his blond hair was mostly gray.

We spent an hour or so eating and reminiscing. We talked. We laughed. And we listened.

I shared with him pictures of my children, both of us laughing at the fact that he was now a grandfather. I was amazed at how much we still had in common, even though both our lives had taken so many unexpected turns.

I was especially proud that my friend was still married, still in the ministry, and still growing as a person. He was no worse for the wear, but much wiser and, somehow, deeper and more thoughtful. I know that if we lived closer together, we would be good friends once again.

As he dropped me off at the airport and drove away, I teared up. I knew I would probably not see him again any time soon.

After all, he’s a busy pastor. I was, at the time, a busy CEO. We have our own lives, not to mention the fact that we live at opposite ends of the country. But, still, it made me sad and pensive.

But I think something resonated at an even deeper level.

As I was catching him up on the events of my life, I got another high-altitude panoramic look at my own life. I saw the beauty of my journey and how very much I have to be thankful for. I have had a rich and meaningful life. I am so grateful for every experience.

Not that it’s always been easy. Hardly. Frankly, there’s been a lot of pain. Bad decisions. Expensive mistakes. Words and actions that I regret. But, by the grace of God, I have made it this far. I have no complaints. And by the grace of God I will continue on.

It made me also think again how much life is like a tapestry. Corrie ten Boom originally introduced me to this metaphor.

As it unfolds in real time, it’s like viewing the backside of a tapestry. It appears to be nothing more than a jumble of thread—tangled, frayed, occasionally knotted, and seemingly random. Nothing really makes sense. It’s no wonder people lose heart, give up, and abandon their commitments.

But things are not always what they seem.

It’s only when you turn a tapestry over that you see the art: the rich colors, the texture, and the patterns that can make a tapestry a thing of astonishing beauty.

Likewise, occasionally God gives us a glimpse at what He is weaving into the fabric of our lives. That momentary peek at glory gives us the courage to soldier on, knowing that nothing happens by accident.

No thread of experience—good or bad—is wasted. When it appears to be that way, we just have to remind ourselves that we are simply looking at the backside of a tapestry. And the One weaving it together, knows precisely what He is doing.

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The problem behind the problem!

Problems always come in pairs. There’s the immediate problem that must be fixed. Then there’s the problem behind the problem—the breakdown in the process, the policy, or the people that led to the problem.

If you don’t take time to fix both, you’ll end up with the same problem happening again and again.

Some time ago, we had a major gaffe with one of our most important authors. In order to protect the guilty, I won’t go into the details. Suffice it to say, we dropped the ball in a major way, and it caused a significant author relations problem. So much so, that it took almost two days of my time to fix the problem. I was embarrassed and frustrated.

Obviously, we had to fix the immediate problem. We created a mess, and we had to clean it up. We all understand the necessity—and urgency—of this part of the equation.

But the bigger issue is the breakdown in the process that led to this problem. If we don’t fix this, then we will experience another breakdown in the future. It’s virtually guaranteed. As the philosopher George Santayana said, “Those who cannot learn from history are doomed to repeat it.”

Great leaders address both issues. They are quick to right wrongs, fix problems, and clean up messes. But, as soon as they get past the initial crisis, they ask the bigger question, “How did this happen and how can we keep it from happening again?”

If you will take time to debrief on the business problems you encounter, you will find that your organization steadily improves. In this sense, there is no failure, only feedback and the opportunity to improve.

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CLIMB YOUR MOUNTAIN

I am mostly offline, attending a business conference. I have asked several bloggers to post in my absence. This is a guest post by Steve Kaplan. He grew a marketing company from start-up to $250 million in sales with offices in 14 countries before selling it for $2.1 billion. You can visit Steve’s blog, follow him on Twitter, or connect with him on Facebook.

When you’re in charge, it’s easy to get accustomed to having the people follow your wisdom simply because you’re the leader.

But when was the last time you took a real risk, putting yourself out there with the possibility of failure? Have we become so used to leading that we’ve forgotten what it took to get us there?

True leaders know what it’s like to be in the trenches, and those they lead thrive on their energy and drive. They are eager to “follow the leader,” because they know the leader is in it with them. Then, the years pass, and many leaders can’t help but grow distant from those they lead.

Putting yourself out there suddenly becomes replaced with safe activities such as “strategic decision making” and “risk aversion.” While these can be considered smart leadership practices, they also come with a price.

By not putting yourself out there in a real way, you not only run the risk of losing touch, but lose your personal edge, as well—both of which earned you respect as a leader in the first place.

In my life, many people look to me for advice, strategy, and leadership. I have led organizations of over 1,600 people and influenced thousands more. I realize the impact I have on others, and I take that responsibility seriously.

Recently, I was preparing for a speech to a group of entrepreneurs. As I was thinking about my presentation and the stories I planned on sharing, it hit me that it had been a while since I had “earned my stripes.”

I was starting to feel disconnected. Not disconnected with those I lead, but disconnected with risk and the trenches. I needed a real challenge.

I had to look outside the business world, because I had reached a level where it would be difficult to find a challenge that would be a real risk. So I set my sights on something way out of my comfort zone.

I would go to Tanzania, Africa and attempt to summit Mount Kilimanjaro, the highest freestanding mountain in the world.

There are several routes to take, with varying levels of difficulty, some taking up to twelve days to summit and return. Being a typical extremist, and wanting to really challenge myself, I took the shortest and most difficult route—up and down in five days!

While the climb is physical, the real challenge is mental. It’s managing high altitude with exhaustion and feeling physically drained, but pushing through to the end.

It’s living outside in tents—in the rain—but driving toward a goal. It’s putting yourself out there with a real chance at failure, a risk I desperately needed. It’s being vulnerable.

Each day brought new beauty coupled with challenges to overcome and opportunities to both succeed and fail.

As we lined up at our final camp at midnight, preparing to begin our summit push, it struck me—while freezing, oxygen deprived and feeling horrible—that I would have to use the same characteristics I used in becoming a leader: drive, perseverance, and mental toughness. I would also have to rally others to work together, so we could all make it.

The final push was as tough as I imagined, but reaching the summit was extraordinary. Standing above the horizon, looking down at the clouds, was breathtaking to say the least.

But as I stood on the peak of the highest freestanding mountain in the world, I had one thought: “It’s great to be back in the trenches!”

Now, you certainly don’t need to climb a mountain to regain your sense of the trenches. Just choose any effort outside your comfort zone. This can range from running a marathon to starting a charity.

As long as you jump in and risk a real chance at failure, you’re good to go. Others will see your courage and be inspired by your willingness to put yourself out there. And you will love to get back in the trenches.

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SITTING IS KILLING YOU

Ispent most of last week parked in my chair. I was working hard to finish the first draft of my new book. On the day before I turned it in, I sat at my desk for 12 hours. It was no surprise that my back was sore—really sore—by the end of the day.

My first instinct was to buy a better chair. But after reading an article by Dean Karnazes inRunner’s World, I realized that the real problem was the sitting itself.

Since that time, I have been using my standup desk and feeling much better. Then I stumbled across this very compelling infographic from Visual.ly. Wow.

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HOW TO OVERCOME BAD HABITS

Do you have a bad habit you’d like to overcome? If so, you are not alone. Millions of people want to quit smoking, stop eating junk food, or give up their sedentary lifestyle.

But attacking the problem head-on may not be the answer.

If you are just getting started with Evernote, I suggest that you buy Brett Kelly’s remarkably practical e-book, Evernote Essentials, Second Edition. It is worth setting aside a couple hours to work through this brief, 95-page book. It will save you DAYS of learning Evernote on your own.

The pin oak tree (quercus palustris for you budding dendrologists) provides a fitting metaphor. One feature of this tree is that it retains its leaves during the winter months. Though the leaves die in the fall, they remain attached to the oak’s branches until the new leaves appear in the spring and push the old ones off the branch.

You could, of course, remove these leaves by hand. But that is a time-consuming and pointless exercise. The leaves will come off on their own when the new growth appear in the spring.

Bad habits are similar. You can focus your attention on eliminating them. Or, you can focus on developing positive habits. As you do so, you will naturally—and more easily—remove the bad habits.

Psychologists refer to this as sublimation.

For example, you could focus on:

• Eating tasty, fresh vegetables instead of eliminating junk food
• Drinking eight glasses of water a day instead of cutting down on your coffee intake.
• Complimenting your spouse instead of breaking your pattern of arguing
• Reading more books instead of cutting down the time you spend surfing the Internet
• Praying for what you need instead of worrying about what you don’t want
• Intentional relaxing rather than smoking
• Taking up hiking rather than changing your sedentary lifestyle

You get the idea.

The main point is to focus on building a good habit rather than eliminating a bad one.

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SHOW APPRECIATION

I am mostly offline, attending a business conference. I have asked several bloggers to post in my absence. This is a guest post by Tracy Letzerich, a stay-at-home mom and former strategy-consultant-turned-algebra-teacher. She blogs at Time With Tracy. You can also follow her on Twitter.

It doesn’t matter whether your office is a boardroom, classroom, or laundry room. There are people who do things for you every day. Employees, colleagues, and family are expected to do their part. Do they know that you appreciate them?

It was a typical Monday, and I was about to churn out a business-like email to my husband.Have you heard back from the tax guy? Don’t forget the teacher-parent conference on Thursday. Oh, and the neighbors are irritated because you put the recycle bin out on the wrong day.

In the middle of composing this gem of gentle reminders, a terrible realization came over me: I send a similar email to my husband every Monday. Imagine his excitement when my name appears in his inbox! I began to wonder. Does he know how much I appreciate him?

I deleted my nagging email and wrote this instead:

A few important things:

1. Thank you for working hard each day for our family.
2. Thank you for loving me even when I don’t deserve it.
3. Thank you for folding laundry.
4. Thank you for moving us back to Texas.
5. Thank you for encouraging us to eat healthy in the New Year.
6. Thank you for reading to the kids at night. You’re the best dad in the world.
7. Thank you for cleaning out the garage last weekend.
8. Thank you for making me laugh.
9. Thank you for taking our son to school in the mornings. It helps me so much.
10. Thank you for choosing the scary movie that gave me nightmares last weekend (had to sneak that one in there). Prepare for a chick flick.

No big deal, right? Wrong! The lasting effect this message had on my husband’s day was exponentially longer than the amount of time it took me to write it. He didn’t arrive home depleted and exhausted from the stress of the day. He had a spring in his step. He felt appreciated.

Appreciation is powerful. Apply it to your relationships in these practical ways:

• Boost morale by celebrating success. In the mentoring I do, I often hear executives express frustration with their team’s performance and morale. My first question: “What is your team doing well?” Surely they’re good at something. It’s quite possible they don’t feel appreciated for the things they’re expected to do, so why should they go the extra mile? Acknowledge the work they put into the daily grind. Celebrate small victories.
• Use appreciation as a motivational tool. When I taught middle school, I learned that acknowledging my students’ efforts, no matter how small, was a great motivator. This is especially effective with low performers. Johnny was a mess of a math student. He used pen. He rarely completed his homework. The correct answers eluded him. So when he started to meet two basic expectations, I jumped at the chance to write, “Thank you for using pencil! I also noticed that you attempted each problem. What a great way to learn!”
• Publicly acknowledge individual contributors. At the beginning of class each day, we had a routine. My students were expected to work quietly on a warm-up problem. Sounds simple enough. But getting a room full of 13-year-olds to do this some days felt more like herding cats. “I see that Katie and Davis have their homework out and they’ve already completed the warm-up. We’re going to have a great class today!” Acknowledging people in front of their peers does two things. It gives recognition to those doing what’s expected and it nudges those needing to change their behavior.

Want to see ordinary people accomplish extraordinary things? Show appreciation for what they already do, and report back on the results. Imagine the impact you can have on someone simply by recognizing their value.

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The absence of trying

This is a guest post by Josh Hood, the founder of 20/20 Vision Ministries, an organization designed to help people see life more clearly by helping them understand who they are, where they want to go, and how to get there. He is a Christian author, speaker, blogger, and average golfer. You can read his blog, and follow him on Facebook and Twitter.

What separates successful leaders from average ones? What is the secret behind the accomplishments of high achievers? While there are many things that can contribute to success, there is one thing that is sure to prevent it every single time. What is it? The absence of trying.

Sound overly simplistic? It may seem that way, but there is pure genius in this principle that is so obvious, yet often overlooked.

If you are just getting started with Evernote, I suggest that you buy Brett Kelly’s remarkably practical e-book, Evernote Essentials, Second Edition. It is worth setting aside a couple hours to work through this brief, 95-page book. It will save you DAYS of learning Evernote on your own.

Every successful author, leader, inventor, and artist have at least one thing in common: they tried. They attempted something.

The great hockey legend Wayne Gretzky said, “You miss 100% of the shots you don’t take.” His point was that nothing great ever happens without effort. No author has accidentally written and published a great book. No artist has accidentally painted a masterpiece. It took effort. It took trying.

So what prevents us from trying and accomplishing great things?

Lack of confidence. Fear of failure paralyzes us. If you’re going to be a great leader, and if you’re going to accomplish anything in life, you have to be willing to fail along the way. (John Maxwell wrote a great book on this subject called Failing Forward.) Every technique, venture, process, or idea you try is not going to work. The key is to learn from the ones that don’t, and constantly improve.

Lack of inspiration. Weed “inspiration-killers” out of your life. Detach yourself as much as possible from the things that discourage and drain you. From where do your best ideas come? When do they come? What inspires you? Identify the things that bolster your faith and make you want to attempt great things, and then incorporate them into your weekly routine. I set aside specific times of prayer and Bible reading because those activities inspire me to attempt great things for God.

Lack of energy. Even if you have the greatest ideas in the world, you need the energy to make them happen. What actions, habits, and environments give you energy? The larger amounts of physical, emotional, and spiritual energy you have, the greater your chances of success.

Lack of persistence. Even with confidence, inspiration, and energy, you still need persistence to become successful. Don’t give up on your dreams. Just because something didn’t go as planned the first time doesn’t always mean it should be abandoned. As the old adage suggests: “If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again.” Adapt, analyze, evaluate and keep trying. Thomas Edison understood the value of persistence. He is reported to have tried over 1,000 different elements before he found the one that made the light bulb work. If you look back over your life, you will discover every great accomplishment was the result of trying something. Great lives are the result of great attempts.

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DIFFERENCE BETWEEN WISE AND FOOLISH

Afew weeks ago, a business acquaintance called to discuss a challenge he was facing at work. As usual, I began with a few questions, trying to understand the context and the issues involved.

It quickly became apparent that he didn’t want to change. In fact, the entire conversation was about why he couldn’t change, why he didn’t need to change, and why he wasn’t responsible for the results he was getting.

Ten minutes into the discussion, I realized I was dealing with a fool. There was no point in continuing the conversation. More talk would not change anything.

In Chapter 7 of his book, Necessary Endings, Dr. Henry Cloud deals with the difference between wise people and fools. It has given me clarity about something I have struggled with for years.

The difference between a wise person and a fool is not about:

• Position. Plenty of business leaders, pastors, and politicians are fools. Conversely, I have met wise executive assistants, gardeners, and even one shoe shine man.
• Intelligence. I know fools with masters degrees and Ph.Ds. Some of them teach in universities and have written books. Conversely, I know wise people who never graduated from high school and a few who can’t read.
• Talent. I know fools who are successful entrepreneurs, worship leaders, and television pundits. I know wise people with average talent and modest income.

there is one major thing that differentiates a wise person from a fool: how he or she receives instruction and correction.

A wise person:

1. Listens without being defensive.
2. Accepts responsibility without blame.
3. Changes without delay.

If you are dealing with a wise person, talking is helpful. They soak up feedback and use it to adjust their lives for the better. Your input can truly make a difference.

If you are dealing with a fool, however, talking is a waste of your time. They resist change. The problem is never “in the room.” It’s always out there somewhere—something you can neither access nor address.

I have always wondered why some conversations never seem to go any where. Instead, I am left confused and frustrated. Now I know. This inevitably happens when you are talking with a fool.

By the way, this doesn’t mean that you have to write fools off. Instead, you have to change strategies. More talk won’t help a fool. Instead, you must:

1. Stop talking.
2. Provide limits.
3. Give consequences.

If this topic interests you, I recommend you read Necessary Endings. Honestly, it is one of the best books I have read in the last year.

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